Xellos gets hitched! (Part II)
by FeatherFall 

**Summary of Part I: Our friends got drunk. VERY drunk. They can't remember at all what they did the night before, other than Zelgadis apparently took off his clothes, and Xellos...got married... But he can't remember to whom! Now, Lina, Amelia, Gourrigan and Xellos are searching for the missing Sylphiel, Naga and Zelgadis in the dense forests of the island. And suddenly, who should appear before Lina and Amelia, but Valgarv, the ultra-sexy Ancient Dragon/Mazoku hybrid hottie everybody loves (love, hate, same difference). As if that wasn't enough, the writer FeatherFall also popped in to make things even more confusing, as well as add that requisite touch of self-insert that makes the Gourrigan's Island series so darn endearing.**

Meanwhile, the boys' search party was being led on by muffled female voices that sometimes seemed to be arguing hotly. After a while of this wild goose chase, Xellos suddenly grabbed Gourrigan by his collar and dragged him to the ground.

Gourrigan: "Wait! What the--"

Xellos, putting a finger to his lips: "Be quiet..."

Carefully, he parted the bushes before them and pointed to the opening. Gourrigan looked at Xellos with a puzzled expression for a second, then slowly crept forward and peered through the hole.

His eyes as big as dinner plates, all he could do was utter a soft squeak. They had found Sylphiel and Naga, both were blissfully sitting in one of the few hot springs of the island. It might also be noted that both were buck naked. Gourrigan's left eye twitched a bit and he drew back to give Xellos some peeping space.

Gourrigan: "We were all worried about them and here they are, relaxing, oblivious to us and having a... philosophical discussion?"

Xellos, grinning, merely nodded.

Indeed, Naga and Sylphiel were deep in discussion over whether Freudian theories still belonged in today's world, considering the fact that society was a lot more open about sexuality and that all that noxious repression of feelings was mostly a thing of the past.

Xellos: "They sure know how to play the airheads when people are watching, don't they, Gourrigan?"

No response. Turning around, Xellos realized that Gourrigan had mysteriously vanished. Then he heard Gourrigan's voice coming from a few yards in front of him, on the OTHER side of the bushes.

Gourrigan: "No way, there is still repression, especially among males, see how Zangulus was a while ago. He cured his repressed feelings by bonking with Martina for 4 days straight."

Gourrigan had managed to strip off his clothes in surprisingly little time and was comfortably sitting in the spring with the two girls who, amazingly, didn't run off screaming or fireball him or anything. Quite the contrary, both were listening to him attentively, enraptured, Sylphiel clasping her hands and looking at Gourrigan with obvious admiration, while Naga was propping her chin on her hands, elbows on knees.

Xellos had one of those spectacularly big sweatdrops and decided to leave before that reality warp caught him. He teleported away to Lina's location just as he heard Gourrigan claim that the ego, the id and the superego should all live in peace and harmony...

On the eastern side of the island...

Lina and Amelia had finally recovered from the shock of seeing Valgarv standing there, with this week's author holding fast to his arm, and were chatting amiably as they continued to look for Zelgadis.

Valgarv: "No, really, Lina Inverse, I had nothing personal against you, but Phibrizo was dead already, so I just decided to blow up the person who'd *almost* managed to do Garv in."

Lina: "..."

Lina glanced uneasily at FeatherFall, who still has a death grip on the dragon's arm.

Lina, thinking to herself: "Looks like she got Martina's mind at the Wal-Mart as well..."

Amelia: "Miss FeatherFall, since you're the author, you must know where Mister Zelgadis is?"

FeatherFall: "Yup! I do."

Amelia & Lina: "Then where is he?"

FeatherFall: "Oh, you won't find him before Xellos catches up with us, that's for sure... But at least I can tell you whether you're getting warmer or colder, hehehe."

Lina, tense voice: "And are we getting warmer?"

FeatherFall: "As a matter of fact, yes you are."

Lina: "Good, that's one thing made clear."

Amelia: "Then, Miss FeatherFall, you also know the end of the episode, as well as who Mister Xellos married?"

FeatherFall: "True."

Lina: "Well, WHO did he get hitched to?"

FeatherFall started grinning. Too late, the girls realized their mistake. They raised their hands frantically as FeatherFall's finger came up. They opened their mouths, but not quick enough...

FeatherFall: "It's a seeecret!"

Lina, tearing off her hair in rage: "AAAAACK!, I really ran into and begged for that one!! Rrrrrrgh! You'd think I'd have learned by now being around that Fruitcake so much..."

*shrill teleportation sound*

Xellos: "Ah, Lina, I finally found you!"

Lina: "There you are, find anything good? Say 'it's a secret' once and I beat you senseless..."

 Xellos, appearing offended: "Now now, Lina, my mission was to look for our missing friends and I did indeed find them. There is no reason I should keep this information a secret..."

Lina: "Alright then, who did you see?"

Xellos: "I found Naga and Sylphiel relaxing in a hot spring -- by accident!" he added hurriedly seeing Lina frown.

Lina:  "Alright, so which one of those two is the lucky gal?"

Xellos, snapping his fingers: "Darn, I forgot to check if they had a ring... Things got complicated pretty fast when Gourrigan turned into Freud..."

Lina: "Penis envy again?"

Xellos: "Something along those lines, I guess, I did NOT want Gourrigan to drag me into his session and use me as an example, so I left right away..."

Lina: "Oh well...you might as well stay with us...we're still looking for Zel, I don't suppose you saw him? No? Then we'll pick him up then go back to that hot spring, I bet Naga's the one..."

Valgarv: "The one what?"

Lina: "The one Xellos married yesterday while being drunk..."

Valgarv: "He...got married?" he looked slightly repulsed.

Xellos: "Why, if it isn't Valgarv, hullo! How's your freaky arm doing?"

Valgarv: "You stay away from me..." he started to back down.

Xellos: "Oy, you and that dragon maiden have a lot in common, you know that?"

Valgarv, eyes glowing: "What did you say?"

Xellos, bigsweating, hurriedly backing up: "Erg, nothing!"

Lina: "Are you quite done, kids?"

Valgarv: "He started it!"

FeatherFall raised a fabulously unimpressed eyebrow: "Oh, now THAT was mature."

Valgarv: "Aren't you supposed to be on MY side?"

FeatherFall: "....Oh yeah. Forgot that."

Everybody shared one simultaneous mighty gigantic sweatdrop.

Amelia: "Ah, Miss FeatherFall, shouldn't we go back to looking for Mister Zelgadis?"

Valgarv: "Yeah, I can't wait to see who that freak over there married..."

Xellos: "Are you insinuating me and Zelgadis... And you're in no place to call me a freak, horny boy!"

Valgarv, stepping forward rolling up imaginary sleeves: "That's it you're a fried fruitcake!"

Lina: "That's MY line!"

FeatherFall, waving her hands: "Girls, Mazoku, dragon hybrids, stop that, we have a story to finish and a conclusion to get to!"

Xellos: "And who might YOU be, my little feathered weirdo?"

FeatherFall froze and slowly turned on him. When in a story, always better NOT to insult the writer... Lina and Amelia, like good little girls, knew that and roasted the fruitcake silly before FeatherFall had the time to find another Plot Twist to punish everyone with.

FeatherFall: "Hmph, too bad, I had something kinky in mind, but I can always reuse it later..."

Lina & Amelia, muttering: "And in another fanfic with other people, L-sama willing...."

FeatherFall, feigning not to hear a word, stomped forward, dragging the relatively helpless Valgarv in tow.

Valgarv, sticking out his tongue at Xellos: "Nyaaaaa~h! The writer got mad at you, neener neener!"

Lina and Amelia just sighed and grabbed Xellos by his smoking limbs, hurrying after the irate writer.

About an hour after, they had finally reached the beach on the other side of the island, but Zelgadis remained nowhere to be found and Amelia was starting to freak out.

Amelia: "What if he left for the Isle of Bishoujo? What if he's still naked on the Isle of Bishoujo?! Or maybe he got arrested for blatant nudity!! I don't know what's worse!"

Lina: "On a desert island?"

Amelia: "Well, it's not absolutely impossible, is it? I mean, we had those federal officers on the island before..."

FeatherFall: "Well, they weren't real, plus don't worry, I promise you this time we are alone on this island, no mecha, no crossovers, no funny-looking aliens, no one but you and a hung-over, naked Zelgadis"

Amelia seemed to suddenly walk much faster...

FeatherFall: "Hmmm, say, that Funky Fruit alcohol sounds like a good idea in retrospect... *looking up at Valgarv in an unmistakable look*"

Valgarv: "There was a nice quiet bunch of trees just back there on the right..."

FeatherFall: "Hehehe, I like the way your mind works, Valgarv dear, I believe we shall remain here after this story is over...No need to participate in any other story, of course, I have a feeling we'll be rather busy anyway."

Amelia turned red. Lina turned green. Xellos got turned on.

Amelia: "Uhm, soooo what do we do now, we still have to find Mister Zelgadis! This island might not be big, but if Mister Xellos and Mister Gourrigan didn't find him either, the only place left to search is the north of the island and this means..."

Lina: "Martina and Zangulus doing..."

Xellos: "Say, isn't that Filia?"

All: "Huh?"

Indeed that giant golden-dragon-like shape sitting amidst the trees far on their right was unmistakably Filia's!

Lina: "Lucky! Maybe she saw Zelgadis while flying over the island!"

Amelia, running towards her: "Come on, let's ask her-- uh?"

She stopped dead in her tracks.

Lina, catching up to her: "What's wrong?"

The dragon was gently sobbing, huge tears, each the size of a tennis ball, splattering on the sand and forming large puddles of mud.

Lina: "Er, you don't think she's crying because Xellos married someone else, do you?"

Xellos: "No."

Valgarv: "No."

FeatherFall: "No."

Amelia: "Well, maybe... She DID look mortified when she learned that Mister Xellos really tied the knot..."

Lina: "I thought it was out of sheer disgust..."

Amelia: "Uhm, that too..."

Xellos: "Only one way to find out..." *disappearing before anyone can stop him and reappearing next to the crying dragon*

Xellos, gently patting her on her huge, golden back: "Now now, what's wrong Filia-san?"

Filia: "Urg! Xe- Xellos! Nothing!" She hurriedly wiped away some more tennis-ball tears with her chubby round fists.

Xellos: "You wouldn't be crying cause I married someone else, would you?"

Filia, sharply: "No."

Valgarv and FeatherFall, appearing next to him: "Told you so."

Lina and Amelia quickly followed on foot.

Amelia: "Miss Filia, please, we need your help, have you seen Zelgadis while flying over the island?"

Filia, dragon that she is, still blushed to that: "Yes, I have, you'll find him farther south, just follow the beach until you come to a trail and follow the trail. He is in a clearing next to a waterfall," she finished coldly.

Amelia: "Ah! Wouldn't that be the clearing where I found the Funky Fruit at first?"

FeatherFall: "Ping-pong! Bull's eye princess!"

Lina: "Amelia, what have you done, you turned him into a Funky Fruit addict!"

FeatherFall and Xellos: "Nothing wrong with that..."

Lina gave them a disgusted look and walked down the beach without waiting to see if anyone was following or not.

Amelia: "Uhh, thank you Miss Filia, Miss Lina wait up!" *running after Lina*

Xellos: "Thanks a bunch, Filia-san, I'll make sure to remember you on my bridal bed..."

Seeing Filia's large blue eyes well up with tears, FeatherFall gave Xellos a swift kick in the butt.

FeatherFall: "Believe me you will..."

Fast forward to the juicy bit...

The trail was winding and covered with branches, but they could hear the sounds of the waterfall in the distance, guiding them towards their goal.

As anticipation grews, Lina and Amelia had decided to take bets on who Xellos married.

Amelia: "Miss Sylphiel, no doubt about it."

Lina: "Naga for sure, she's twisted enough for his tastes..."

Amelia: "Yes, true, but Miss Sylphiel is, uhm, er..."

Amelia's heart sunk as she realized that she would most likely lose her bet...

Lina: "Look! The waterfall!"

Amelia & Xellos: "Finally!!"

Everyone rushed forward. Upon arriving at the clearing, all note with relief that Zelgadis was indeed there, lounging in the cold pool, head laying back on a rocky ledge. A few bits of Funky Fruits were still lying scattered around his head and mouth, a damp cloth was spread on his forehead.

Amelia: "Mister Zelgadis!"

At the sudden sound of voices, Zelgadis did a fantastic 5-meter leap in the air, thus confirming FeatherFall's affirmation that he was still naked.

Amelia: "Eep!"

Lina: "Yowza!"

Xellos: "Ooer..."

FeatherFall: "Hmmm...."

Valgarv: "Bah, no big deal."

Zelgadis: "Wha-wha-wha-what the hell are you doing here?"

Lina: "We're looking for you, dope! Now hurry up and come on, we have to get back to the girls at the hot spring, see who Xellos married!"

Zelgadis: "Who Xellos married? What are you talking about?"

He looked at Xellos and saw the ring woven of coconut fibers on his finger, got a slightly repulsed look and shuddered. Then he suddenly noticed that Xellos was staring at him in much the same way. He looked down at his own hands...

Zelgadis and Xellos: "Oh son of a..."

Back to the Realm