*The scene opens on two shadows, both of svelte young women. One has fins for ears and seashells in her hair. The other has hair to her ankles and carries a scythe. The camera pulls back and the audience realizes they're just shadow puppets held up by two bespectacled otaku. A blonde blur zooms back and forth in the background.*
Filia: Chrissy-chan's on an X high today...
Chrissy: Subarusubarusubarusubarusubaru!
The two young women sweatdrop and introduce themselves.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Greetings from #slayers! I'm Deep_Sea_Dolphin and this is my cohost and fansub goddess, Filia!
Filia: Laying on a little thick, aren't you, neechan?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Hey, anyone who sends me hot anime guys and singers with fine asses deserves goddess status!
Filia: And there's always more where that came from.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: There is?
Filia: Yes, I like making sure people can't live without me. However you'll have to wait until your birthday.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: But what if I buy you that YnM pencil board?
Filia: I'll think about it. Anyway...today's MST is a horrible YnM story about an annoying little twit who claims to be the son of Watari, Tsuzuki, and Hisoka!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: It's awful but we've done our best to improve it.
Filia: Well, anyway, let's get this over with.
*Suddenly red lights flash and an alarm sounds.*
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: We've got fanfic sign!
Filia: Shut that damn thing off!
*All exit the bridge via much hullabaloo and enter the theatre.*
Hiwatsu
Warning: WatarixTsuzukixHisoka... It's complicated you'll have to read in order to understand.
Disclaimer: Not mine, sue and get freakish dog. Watari Hitsu's mine though.
Watari was hard at work in his lab. 003 was hovering over his head and hooting about something.
Filia: Wow, check out those hooters! I mean...lalala...
Lifting up his head he cocked his head to the side, there was the unusual sound of some kind of commotion coming from out side.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> I sense a great disturbance in the force.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> My head is cocked and loaded!
He walked over to his door and opened it up only to have a boy run in.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> Where...is...the bathroom?
The youth looked about Hisoka's age and was now searching through Watari's stuff.
Filia: <Watari> Hey! No! That's MY porn stash!
"What are you doing? Who are you?" Watari asked looking the boy over.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> Can I try a potion on you?
Filia: <Watari> Who's your next of kin? Just kidding...try it.
The child had the same hair color as Hisoka but it was long and wavy like Watari's. The boy turned around with amethyst eyes and looked at Watari with angry and panic in his eyes.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: I guess angry and panic in his EYES is better than angry and panic in his liver.
Filia: Are those eyes Tsuzuki's? I think he'll be needing them.
<Tsuzuki> Waiiit! I need those to liiive!
"Mom why do you always have to move the gun around?!" he shouted in voice that was a strange mixture of Watari's voice and Hisoka's.
Filia: <Watari> I only show my gun to those who ask nicely....oh wait. You mean the real gun. It's over there.
"M-mom?" Watari blinked.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari's mom> No, he's not me! Why don't you get a haircut, ya hippie?
"There it is!" the boy grabbed the gun that Watari had hidden in a secret compartment in his desk.
Filia: If it's secret, how did he find it?
There were sounds of running footsteps, the boy stiffened and turned after clicking the safety off.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> They're always after me Lucky Charms but now they're gonna PAY!
Soon Saya and Yuma came into sight squealing holding a pink and blue dress with light purple frills.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: I can see why he wants to shoot them. That color scheme is AWFUL.
The boy backed into the desk and shouted, "Demons from hell!! Die!" He was about to pull the trigger when Watari stepped in the way.
Filia: <Watari> *in slowmotion* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> Frills make me look FAT!
"Stop this!" Watari was a little miffed.
"Yes mom," the boy put the gun down after clicking the safety back on.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> You never let me kill anyone. I never get to have any fun!
"But Watari-san~~!" the two girls complained.
"I'm sorry girls, but can I ask you to get Tsuzuki and Hisoka for me?"
Filia: <Watari> Yes, go get 'em, my pretties, KILL! KILL!
His anger was now drained and was replaced with reason.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: We've replaced your usual anger with reason and dark, sparkling Folgers crystals.
"Umm." they shifted.
Filia: And drove straight into the cactus patch.
"Please, I'm sure Hisoka would be glad to see you."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Sure! Hisoka is always glad to see YOU two.
"Okay!!" They chimed and darted off with their Pink House dress in hand.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: They each swallowed a doorbell and were too afraid to have it removed, as it wouldn't pass.
"Oh you liiiieeee!" the boy yipped from behind. "Dad doesn't like them, he never did."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> I don't like anybody <Girls> Hisoka doesn't like us, everybody hates us, let's go eat worms and die.
"Whoa whoa, okay now let me get this strait,"
Filia: Dire Straits?
Watari shut the door to his lab. He looked at the boy who held 003 as if he was a familiar pet,
Filia: But was in reality a fearsome monster acting as the family pet.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: 003, I choose you!
"You first called me 'Mom' then you called Hisoka 'Dad'. What's going on?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Author> A really crappy fanfic!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <DSD> Torture of the audience!
Filia: <Watari> Can I be your dad instead?
Chrissy-chan, making a brief appearance: <Watari> Yeah. Why do I have to be the bitch of the relationship?
The boy looked sheepish and grinned like Tsuzuki, "Complicated matters?"
Filia: <Watari> Don't ask ME...
"Come on you can tell me. Or do you want to wait until Tsuzuki comes?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> As long as he doesn't make a mess...
Filia: Ew. Nice one.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Thank you, thank you. No applause.
"Yea, Daddy would like to hear this."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: The hell he would.
Filia: Why should he want to hear? WE don't!
Watari's eyes widened a little as his mouth grew small.
Filia: And several other parts of his anatomy suddenly changed size for no reason.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: And there was much screaming in Fangirl Land.
Chrissy-chan, popping in again for good measure: Big Eyes Small Mouth, YAMI NO MATSUEI EXPANSION PACK
This boy was off his rocker.
Filia: <Watari> Get off my rocker, you young whipper-snapper!
They didn't have to wait long for Tsuzuki to show up, Hisoka was close behind him and slammed the large door on the two Hokkaido shinigami's faces.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> You're not invited to our daily fanservice orgy! NYAH!
"Hi Daddy, Hi Dad," the mysterious boy spoke up from the blaring music that he had put on Watari's stereo.
"Watari, I didn't think you liked the B'z," Tsuzuki said not caring that he was just called Daddy.
Filia: *singing* ~The birds and the bees~...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> I'm being pointlessly blase today.
Watari rubbed his temples, "Boy, turn it off and explain yourself."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> And get a damn job, ya mooch!
The boy was obedient to turn off the noise and came over to the group.
Filia: I thought he was listening to music...?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Suddenly he's a Stepford Child?
He stood in front of them with his purple eyes smiling, his sandy blond hair waving and tied back with a blue ribbon that matched his side ways hat.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: *singing* When purple eyes are smiling...
Filia: Bish Wind. When hair REALLY matters!
Around his neck was a thin rope that curled around several times that seemed to hold up a cross.
Filia: But was actually holding a cup of coffee.
His frame was small like Hisoka's yet well built like Watari's.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Scrawny, yet muscular? Someone take the plaid crack away from the author...
Filia: Let me get this straight. He's small, yet--
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Bish stuff. You're too young to understand.
Filia: Oh, ok.
With a smile that matched Tsuzuki's he straitened out his red jacket with the rolled up sleeves. He wore a black v-neck shirt, the V was held together with some strips of black cloth.
Filia: Now where did Filia see that shirt before...oh yeah, on Watari...then that means...Watari's strolling around barechested?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Coordinated isn't he? His ribbon matches his hat, his smile matches Tsuzuki's and his clothes match the ones missing from Watari's closet.
His pants were cream colored kakies held up with a black belt and to top off the whole look he wore white and black tennis shoes.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: kakies. What, his three parents can't pool their money together to buy him real khakis?
Filia: <Tsuzuki> Hmm, cream cakies..
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Jackie Chan is holding up his pants!
"To put it simply, I'm your son. from the future," boy did he sound confident.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: (insert Tenchi comment here)
Filia: Boy, do you sound confident?
They all looked at him then at each other then at him again.
Filia: then at each other then at him then at each other then at him...after an hour they were pretty dizzy.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> This is the kind of situation condoms were invented for you know.
Watari thought about this as Hisoka spit and sputtered and Tsuzuki only smiled and said, "I didn't think shinigami could have children."
"Well you can, well Mom can any way."
Filia: Mom can do anything
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> She's got the uterus.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: She slices! She dices! She even circumcises!
"W-wait a second, you're tell me. us that you're our son. but who's your mother?
Filia: Yes! I'm tell you! I AM UKRAINE! K THNX BYE!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Who's your mother? Is that like "Who's Yo Daddy?"
Filia: Ouch...
And only one of us can be your father." Hisoka tried to think about this.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: But after an hour his head hurt and he had to get some Exedrin.
Filia: But failed when his train of thought encountered a buffalo sitting on the tracks.
The boy pointed to Watari, "He's my Mom, or he will be she.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> In a parallel future where Watari's potions actually WORK.
Filia: <Tsuzuki & co> Egad!
And you're both my father, fathers.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Even though that's theoretically impossible, like Watari's potions working...
Would it be fathers, Mom?"
Filia: <Watari> Uhmmm...*opens dictionary*
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: They must not have Grammar classes in the future.
"I think so," Watari answered unconsciously.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> I was clubbed over the head by Hisoka off-panel and now I'm talking in my sleep
Tsuzuki blinked, "So. You're OUR son. from the future. Hmmm. Do we live together?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> In sin and debauchery? Please say we live together in sin and debauchery!
"Yes, well we did."
Filia: Did? Do? Will? Since your past is the future of--
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Shut up.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> But then we ran out of food and I ate you all! MUA ha ha ha ha ha!
They all looked at him. He looked sad a little angry.
Filia: Then they took pictures to see if they could get some charity money using him.
"Son, why don't you sit down and. Let's talk about it," the blond shinigami patted the seat next to him.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: He's taking the "I got knocked up in the future thing" very well, isn't he?
Filia: <Watari> Time to have a Father-son talk, m'boy.
<Boy> Mother-son.
<Watari> *wincing* Yes.
Hisoka shot up from his seat, "Why are you two just buying this?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: About time someone noticed this fic is stupid!
How can he possibly be our son, come on!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> He's not bishy and angsty enough!
I mean, Watari's never going to be a girl and if he does become a she I don't think that Tsuzuki or I would go after him like that!"
Filia: Not while sober anyway...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> Why not? Do you think I'm too fat? Well, DO YOU!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> It's not that, we're just...too much into man lovin'!
"But you did Dad. Here let me tell you what I know. Mom found the gender-changing potion and became a girl.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: All of a sudden, he's Exposition Lad.
She tried find a way to turn back but in a month he became a full she and had even the mistral cycle, then Daddy, or Tsuzuki took you all drinking.
Filia: Mistral cycle? Since when did this became a study of weather phenomena in France?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> So we were drunk. Figures.
Filia: See? I'm psychic!
He said that you only had juice for a while then you took a sip of his before he could stop you then one thing led to another and well. you got it on."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Boy> Did I mention the drink was half Spanish Fly? Some guy named Muraki bought it for you...
The three where all blushing now while the boy looked like he was about to get a nosebleed.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Sick li'l jerk gets off thinking of his parents having sex.
He went on, "Then Mom found a way to turn herself back but didn't because she found out that she was with child. She wanted to find the father and tests proved that both of your seamen had fertilized the egg so you're both my fathers."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Seamen? Hisoka and Tsuzuki have little Navy officers running around in their testicles?
Filia: *singing* In the Navy....
Filia: Now that's just preposterous! Two sperm cells can't fertilize one egg!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: And Watari can't become a woman.
Filia: Touché.
The three were really, really red now and the boy sprouted a nosebleed. Watari forgot about his embarrassment and took out his handkerchief. He then reached over and started to take care of the boy extremely motherly. After the blond was sure the bleeding had stopped he patted the boy's head as if it was a normal thing. "Go on," he said handkerchief in hand.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Watari is really in touch with his feminine side *rimshot*
"Well, the reason why we aren't living together any more is. Dad, Hisoka, had left to find help.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> Because I sure as hell ain't changing diapers!
He didn't come back. Soon. Daddy left, he didn't come back either.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka/Tsuzuki> It's because we never loved you
Filia: <Boy> Screw you guys...hate you guys...
Then it was only Mom and me." His hands clenched fists full of his pants.
Filia: So...his hands were full of pants? That sounds dirty.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: He ripped his pants right off to clench them.
Filia: Or he stole everyone else's pants.
It was a painful memory for him. Being just a little boy watching both fathers leaving to never return. He began sniffling at the memory of both fathers promising that they would come back, they had ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead then left, they just left.
Filia: Just leave already.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Cue, angst! Thank you!
Watari reached over and took a hold of the boy. He began to cry as his mother/father rocked back and forth shushing him.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari>*singing* Hush little baby, don't say a word. Mama/Papa's gonna mutate you a mockingbird.
"Why did we leave?" Tsuzuki got up from his chair.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> Time to get the hell OUT of this fic!
He went over and sat on the other side of the couch.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: What, were you sitting in the wet spot or something?
Filia: This pointless change of scenery is brought to you by U-haul!
Watari gave Tsuzuki the look of 'what-do-you-think-you're-doing-let-the-boy-recover-first-or-you'll-regreat-it' look that all mothers have. Tsuzuki bit his bottom lip, damn Watari could be scary.
Filia: Gee, Tsuzuki, why do you discover NOW that Watari can be scary? Haven't you been his guinea pig often enough?
"Be-because."
"Hitsu. Answer him," Hisoka said.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Oh, gee! The brat has a name all of a sudden!
Filia: Hisoka is psychic, he guessed his name! Hitsu? Oh! Oh! Let me think, don't tell me! It's because....of HIsoka and TSUzuki, right?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Very good, have a cookie.
"Because our world is nothing but shambles!"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Since when?
Filia: My whole world is in shambles now!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Very funny.
The boy pulled away from his mother and looked at Tsuzuki with purpled eyes of tears, "It's full of rubble, destroyed cities, and very few people."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> Bitch bitch bitch...
Filia: Wow...that sounds like Hitomi's tarot readings....Blood... death...destruction...
Filia: either that, or Yami no Matsuei collided with X yet again...better go scrape Kamui off the top of the building.
"How?" Tsuzuki began to wipe the tears from the boy's eyes.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> That's my job, dammit! *wipes tears*
"The demons took over Meifu, something happened to Lord Enma and the demons came in.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: I first read that as "Lord Enema"
Filia: Eh.
That's why you both left, the demons were getting to strong in the village near by.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Strong? Is that the name of a town? I guess it's near the village of By.
Filia: It's supposed to be too, not to, and nearby.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Sorry, I'm reaching here.
You left to find help for those people, we were safe because of Daddy's wards, they still hold up after ten years."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Today on "This Old Run-on" we're replacing some commas with periods.
Filia: Must be one helluva warranty on those wards.
//Ten years? We were gone for ten years?// Hisoka shook his head, //That doesn't prove a thing. But how did I know his name?//
Filia: Correct me if I'm wrong, but...would that nifty punctuation indicate...a thought balloon?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Yep.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> //Although is DOES prove I was smart enough to escape the stupid lil' turd.//
"Why are you here?" Watari crossed his legs elegantly.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hitsu> I want...a shrubbery.
"Oh that," Hitsu's tears subsided, "Because you died."
Filia: <Watari> *smiles* Oh, just that? See, nothing to cry yourself silly over....WHAT??!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: He's rather nonchalant about their deaths all of a sudden.
"Huh?" all three said in unison.
Filia: And proceeded to start a choir.
"Apparently Mom was killed some time in the past, around this time.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: If he/she died NOW, you wouldn't have been born, dumbass.
I came back because I still need to be born you know.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hitsu> Because like, I have a date next week and not being born would really cramp my style.
Oh and I also hope that I will be able to do something about all the demons and stuff."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Save the world before bedtime, huh? Powerpuff Girls copycat!
Filia: <Hitsu> But hey, it's ok if I can't, I can just travel even MORE back in time and live it easy while you suckers get cut to ribbons.
Watari frowned, "But if you travel back in time to take care of something. wouldn't you just mess up things?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Yes, your coming here might be what caused the demon mess so go home!
Filia: Yes, now you'll scare your 'mom' into abstinence, you vile little brat!
I mean if you fix it in the past then there is no need for you to travel back in the first place."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: ...That sentence hurts my head. At least Watari is smart enough to recognize the time paradox in this fic.
Filia: The writer is a DBZ fan and therefore must die.
Filia: Just....shut up, Watari...you're making my head hurt.
"That's just the thing," Purple eyes looked up at the ceiling,
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: ...after detaching themselves from his face..
Filia: Unfortunately, they didn't belong to anyone present and scared the shit out of everyone
"That future wasn't supposed to happen."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> So if we fix it I'll never have to boink Watari? All RIGHT!
Filia: How do you...isn't it...how come...I... do you.. Swords?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Swords?
Filia: 8-bit theater...nevermind...
Hisoka spoke up, "How do you know?"
"Everyone has to ware time stabilizers,"
Filia: Tom's Hardware! The best place for Time Stabilizers!
he fingered his cross necklace.
Filia: Uh...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Don't even go there.
"If we don't we'll be erased from existence."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: So if he took it off, the fic would disappear?
Filia: Bah, I can achieve that with my trusty Delete key.
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Author: Hiso-chan - G - English - General - Reviews: 5 1. Default Chapter2. Life is nothing but a band
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Hiwatsu
[part2]
Warning: WatarixTsuzukixHisoka... It's complicated you'll have to read in order to understand.
Filia: We read it...but we still don't get it.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: My brain...
Filia: Somebody kill us? Please?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Better yet, kill the author before he/she writes again.
Disclaimer: Not mine, sue and get freakish dog. Watari Hitsu's mine though.
Filia: Yes, he's yours.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: All yours.
Watari's head bobbed to the beat.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: That reminds me of a gay porn video...
Filia: Shut up.
His future son had occupied himself in his lab with a synthesizer.
Filia: Where did that synthesizer come from?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> I just happen to have expensive music equipment lying around my lab. Don't tell Tatsumi!
The boy had a very good beat, a rhythm that was a wonderful mixture of pop and rock.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: This is a real Marty Sam character.
Tsuzuki was drug out of the room not to long ago by Hisoka so that they could have a talk.
Filia: Too easy...but I'll do it anyway. *ahem* "Meanwhile, Tsuzuki was sniffing coke in an adjacent room."
"Mom, do you have a mic some where around here?" Hitsu suddenly stopped his music.
Filia: This guy needs spellcheck for Christmas.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Actually, this guy/girl needs a lump of coal up his/her...
Filia: Neechan...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: *pouts*
"Yea somewhere around the stereo system. You ever though about going into music?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> Because if you were, I'd have to kill you.
Filia: Do it anyway, Watari! For the good of humanity!
Hitsu blinked, "No."
Filia: And the world breathed a sigh of relief
"What can't you sing?"
Filia: Correction: What CAN you sing?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Nothing we'd want to hear.
The boy huffed, "I'll show you singing!"
Filia: <Hitsu> You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to Clown College! Uh, I mean, I'm going to the mall!
Watari chuckled, he did have characteristics just like Hisoka.
Filia: No, Hisoka is much less annoying.
Filia: <Watari> And he doesn't suck as much.
Filia: <Hisoka> *to Tsuzuki* say a word and I'll rip you a new one.
Filia: <Tsuzuki> Don't tempt me.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Is it wrong of me to want Muraki to grab this brat?
Filia: No.
"No,no,no,noo~!" Hisoka shook Tsuzuki.
Filia: <Hisoka> Oh you sexy thing, no~~! Don't stop!
"Come on face it you're going to be a Daddy you should be happy to know this," the happy shinigami smiled nervously.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Overuse of the word "happy".
Filia: So Tsuzuki is the happy shinigami and Watari is the genki shinigami?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> How can I be happy when we're still trapped in this story?!
"How can we have a son? Think about it, we are dead!"
Filia: You'll be even MORE dead when Watari's fans learn about it.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: And Muraki.
"Not really."
"Huh?"
"Remember we were given new bodies of flesh. We are very much alive and can die again.
Filia: <Tsuzuki> So let's die again, ok? <Hisoka> Ok!
As such we can still have children, Wakaba-chan along with Saya-chan and Yuma-chan still have that time of the month."
Filia: ...And how would YOU know about that, precious?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Tsuzuki is one sick little monkey to know that.
"How can you say that so freely?" Hisoka blushed.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> They're always sending me out to buy their tampons.
Tsuzuki thought about that and then he heard someone's voice singing.
Filia: <Tsuzuki> Ack, Britney Spears! Killitkillitkillit!
This tugged at both the shinigami and they pocked their heads back into the lab.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Song> Come to the Dark Side, Shinigami. We've got cookies!
Filia: Gee, I wish I could Pocky my head too...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: He means poked.
Filia: I know.
There they saw Watari smiling as his body moved to the music as he worked.
Filia: Whoa, multitasking Watari.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> I'm the Ricky Martin of scientists! Shake your bon-bon!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka> If you weren't dead, I'd have to kill you.
Over next to the window was Hitsu singing as he played his instrument.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Don't even think about it...
Filia: Meanie!
The two blinked, the boy was really really good.
Filia: Really, really really good?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: No, not really.
Watari looked at the time not even noticing Tsuzuki and Hisoka re-entering.
Filia: Uh...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Don't you dare.
He snapped his fingers, it was about lunchtime and he had nothing to eat.
Filia: Except 003, who was awfully scrawny.
Usually that wouldn't bother him but the boy was there with him and for some reason he was feeling overly motherly.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: His estrogen therapy was finally kicking in.
Filia: <Watari> I'm finally getting the hang of this woman thing!
So logically a growing boy needs to eat lots. An idea popped into his head. "Hi~Tsu~" he chimed the youth's name.
Filia: He had undoubtedly swallowed a doorbell too.
The boy stopped, "Yes, Mother dearest?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> *channeling Joan Crawford* Didn't I tell you...NO MORE WIRE HANGERS?!
"Could you go with one of your fathers? I think you should get a look of this old time of ours."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> And leave me alone, so I can get some work done.
"You're up to something aren't you."
Filia: Well, duh, this is Watari.
That was no question, he knew his mother very well.
Filia: Didn't she tragically die before he was born?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: How could he be born if Watari was dead?
Filia: Don't ask me! I don't know anything, I swear! *sobs*
"Nothing much," Watari threw him his wallet.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tatsumi> Don't give him that money! Give it to meeeeee!
Filia: This is the Watari who threatens Tsuzuki when he's about to lose a bet?
"Pick up some snacks too, you're a growing boy and should eat more."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> So I can fatten you up and cook you! MUA HA HA HA HA!
The sandy blond caught the leather bundle and shrugged.
Filia: <Hitsu> Oh well, as long as I get money, who cares what I do with it.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hitsu> Hell, if Mom is gonna throw all of his/her money away, I won't argue.
He trotted over to his said fathers and smiled with glimmering amethyst eyes.
Filia: They were really amethysts! Glass eyes with inset amethysts!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tatsumi>*pokes out the eyes and pawns them*
Filia: <Hitsu> Waiiit! I need those to-- <Filia> Shut up.
A kitten like smile pursed his lips as he asked, "Can we go? Can we?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hisoka/Tsuzuki> Nooooo! Not the cute kitten face! AAAAAAAH!
Hisoka was going to protest to the whole thing but his partner was quick to say, "Sure!"
Filia: Quick to say and quick to--
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: No.
Filia: Aw.
"This will be fun! I haven't spent time with you two for so long!" Hitsu skipped down the hall.
Filia: Fell down a trapdoor and broke his neck. The End.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: No.
Filia: Aw.
Tsuzuki chuckled, "Ten years is a long time. Spending the day with you is the least that we can do."
Filia: <Tsuzuki> Ah, yes, 10 years with you would be a helluva long time. One day really is enough.
Filia: <Hitsu> I hate you.
The boy hummed as he jumped and twirled not missing a beat in his skipping.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Showoff.
Filia: How can that kid be so gay? It's like he received all their stats and added an extra Gay +10.
"Wakaba-chan," Watari came up to the teenaged girl.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> Do you ever...you know...not feel fresh?
"Ah, Watari-san. How are you today?" she asked cheerful as ever.
Filia: Meanwhile, 2 miles away, Hajime's ears twitched and he got ready to splatter some shinigami guts.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> I'm getting in touch with my feminine side and coping with an obnoxious son from the future. You?
"I'm doing good but I would like to ask a favor of you."
Filia: <Wakaba> Sorry, I'm booked until next year. <Watari> I never said sexual!
Light brown curls bounced to the side when she cocked her head.
Filia: Seeing at they didn't belong to her, it puzzled her greatly.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Again with the head cocking!
Filia: Better than...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Don't.
"Actually two favors, one is to help me cook something for lunch."
Filia: <Wakaba> Should I bring poison? <Watari> Your ideas interest me and I wish to hear more.
"Oh do you have company?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Wakaba> The daily fanservice orgy? <Watari> No, we had that after the morning meeting, remember?
Filia: <Wakaba> So, how much did you pay her? <Watari> Nothing! <Wakaba> How much did he pay you then? <Watari> ...I hate you *sobs*
The scientist thought about this before answering, "Uuh, yea. Then the other is."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> To kill me and get me out of this crap.
He leaned in and whispered into her ear. She turned red and looked at him with embarrassment and shock. "Why would you want something like that?"
Filia: <Watari> Uhm....to buy you tampons for your next birthday?
"Please don't misunderstand me. I think it's the critical ingredient to my gender changing medicine."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: He's buying her used tampons.
Filia: You're sick.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: I know.
"Weeelll." she fidgeted.
Filia: Because she really had to potty.
"Please help me out. Please Wakaba-chan, pleeeeaaaassssse."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> I'll be your friend! Please?
"I. guess so."
Filia: <Wakaba> It'll be 50 000 yen cold cash up front. Pay up.
"Thank you! You're a life saver."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> Yes! You're a little piece of five-flavored candy that I love to crunch! Tee hee!
Hisoka fidgeted nervously as girls' heads turned as their little group walked down the streets of bustling Tokyo.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Random Fangirl> It's Austin Powers!
Filia: It's not every day you see corpses walk around in broad daylight.
The living world wasn't as quiet as Meifu but it was rather comfortable to be there.
Filia: Seeing as it wasn't filled with a bunch of stiffs walking around.
All the raging emotions were kind of nice to feel every once in a while, it let him know that he wasn't the only one left on the planet.
Filia: No matter how hard he prayed for that every day.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Does this kid feed off of emotions?
Hitsu stopped and looked through the windows of a music shop. His eyes went big at the sight of a synthesizer that was next to an electric guitar.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hitsu> OOOOOOOH! Shiiiiiiny!
Filia: Not just his eyes...
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Right.
He looked at the price and what was in Watari's wallet.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Hitsu> Mom's gonna be pissed.
A thought passed through his mind and he knew it would work.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: What would work? Having a thought or his stupid plan.
"Daddy, Daddy!!"
Filia: Who's yo--
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Did it already.
Filia: Oh yeah...
Tsuzuki walked up with his hands in his pockets, "Hm? What is it?"
Filia: You're hiding the fact you have an erec-
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Dooon't.
As the time traveler talked to his parent the people on the street commented on how young Tsuzuki looked to be a father.
Filia: Then they guessed he must be a pedophile and ran to call the police.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Hitsu doesn't know shit about keeping a low profile, does he?
Hisoka rolled his eyes he still wasn't sure what the hell was going on with all of them.
Filia: Join the club.
"Maybe their twins, that one and the one over there." Some one had whispered to their friend.
Filia: ...Ok, let me think about that for a moment.....so they have a set of twins that--
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: They're.
Filia: Oh.
To his shocking surprise he found himself chuckling.
Filia: <Hisoka> I am shocked and surprised at the same time! What is this new emotion?
"Their mother must be really beautiful, not that their father isn't," someone else whispered.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Damn right Watari's pretty.
Filia: So who are they after, the mother or the father?
Hisoka watched his partner and would be son go into the store and start talking to the person behind the counter. With a sigh, he walked in himself and listen to their conversation. The manager soon came out and heard what they had to say and held out his hand.
Filia: <Manager> Pull my finger.
"Deal," he said taking Hitsu's hand. With that they set to work.
"What are you doing?" Hisoka asked.
Filia: <Manager> Oh, I was just asking this young lad here to pull my finger...
"Here," Hitsu handed him an electric guitar.
Filia: <Manager> But...what about my finger?
Tsuzuki looked at his young partner, "You can't play that."
Filia: <Manager> Won't anyone pull my finger?!
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Hisoka only plays the Meat Flute.
Filia: You're gonna burn for that one.
"What?!" Hisoka growled, "I'll show you what I can do you food taking, salary thief!"
Filia: <Tsuzuki> *simper* Oh yes, show me your mad skillz, you wild thing!
Hisoka then took the instrument and began to play as if he had done it all his life.
Filia: Which he has.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Not that one.
Tsuzuki stared in disbelief at this hidden talent. Hitsu then handed Tsuzuki a microphone. The shinigami blinked and took it.Tatsumi looked at the crowed that was gathering around one area.
Filia: The crowed?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: We'll let it slide.
He listened to the song that was being played and found it quite like able.
Filia: So the song was like, able to do what?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: More than anyone else in this story, I'm sure.
Usually he would leave but hearing a familiar voice join the first he decided to get a look.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tatsumi> Elvis!
It was simple enough to get into viewing distance of what was going on.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tatsumi> Just shove people out of the way with my shadow and...
He couldn't believe his eyes.
Filia: Because his eyes lied all the time.
Hisoka was playing a guitar, Tsuzuki had his shirt halfway unbuttoned with his tie really loose and was singing like a professional, then there was a boy at a synthesizer that sang along with the shinigami.
Filia: <Tatsumi> Oh no, Weiss Kreuz! Quick, the Gayterminator! We must destroy them before they take over this world too!
Briefly he put his hand to his forehead to check if he was hot, no he was at regular temperature.
Filia: Better do a THOROUGH check with the anal thermometer though, just in case.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: When has Tatsumi EVER been hot?
When the song ended the crowed roared for another song.
Filia: 2000 miles away, during the Depeche Mode show.
"Arigato! Domo arigato minna-san,"
Filia: For a japanese, he sure speaks crappy.
the boy said as he took the mic off of his synthesizer. He proceeded to introduce the store and great deals and other things.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Advertising whore.
Several people went in to purchase items while others shouted for another song.
"What's your band name?" some girl hollered. The crowd echoed their agreements.
Filia: "Hitsu and his jolly pals".
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Hanson.
"Uh, it would have to be," he looked around in his head then said, "Shadow tamers!
Filia: Gay.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: More gay.
Now our lovable back up singer will sing his own song."
"Eh?" Tsuzuki leaned in to Hitsu and whispered, "What are you doing?"
Filia/DSD: That's what WE want to know!
Filia: And keep it G-rated.
"Don't worry, so far we've been swinging it," he whispered back.
Filia: ......Indeed.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Shagadelic swingers even!
Filia: Really?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: No.
"Just sing Ruka's Lullaby."
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: I thought Ruka was an Utena character. Why the hell would they sing about him?
"Ah. okay," Tsuzuki cleared his throat. "Alright everyone! This one is called Ruka's Lullaby!"
Filia: <Tsuzuki> I just made it up right now, so it might suck a teeensy bit.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Audience> We don't care! We're all horny fangirls!
The crowd cheered as soft music began to play.
Filia: Then Celine Dion appeared and everyone left.
After all of that was over with and the crowd had left, the three came back from the store feeling rather good. They were straitened up and had eared a great deal of money from that crowd.
Filia: Bering Strait?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Shut up.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Someone in the audience was passing out joints.
Some contractors even offered them positions but they declined.
"Tsuzuki-san," they heard a deep voice from the side.
Filia: ...of a speeding bus as Tatsumi went to a fiery death.
Tsuzuki turned and looked at Tatsumi who had waited there for them.
Filia: Now he wanted his share.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tatsumi> Only 20% you selfish bastards. After all those bills...
The three greeted him warmly.
Filia: With lighted torches.
The secretary looked down at Hitsu who was just as playful as Tsuzuki.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tatsumi> You're a cute little man-puppy! Yes you are! Yes you are!
"Tsuzuki-san. Kurosaki-kun. Who is this?"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Your worst nightmare.
he asked observing the likeness that the boy held to both of his fellow shinigami.
Filia: Which considering how obvious the writer made it, wasn't really that hard to notice.
"Uuhh," the two tried to think of a good way to explain it all.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: But failed miserably, distracted Tatsumi by pointing out a one hundred yen coin on the ground and fled.
Watari lifted his wavy hair into a ponytail as he paused in his cooking.
Filia: Shouldn't he have put his hair up BEFORE cooking?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Hairy food...ew
Wakaba glanced over, continued to cook, then glanced over again.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Wakaba> Damn, I'm still in this story...
The scientist looked down at the shorter shinigami.
"What?" his voice was higher than usual.
Filia: Wakaba then retrieved her foot from his crotch and his voice sounded just as usual.
"I. just can't believe that. you're a girl and all."
Filia/DSD: WE can't believe that one of your potions worked.
Watari looked down at his now female body. His/her chest was well developed and her legs were a perfect length and slender. Watari's skin was softer now and he looked like the ideal woman of every man's dream.
Filia: And the worst man of every woman's nightmare.
"Leave it to be a guy to be the perfect woman," Wakaba mumbled.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Like RuPaul?
"Did you say something?" Watari adjusted her glasses on her petite nose.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Watari> Because I was ignoring you.
Filia: It was a size 3 nose.
"Ah! I said 'I still can't believe that you have a kitchen in your lab.'"
"Well I kind of need it here considering I almost live here."
"True," Wakaba smiled. She had gotten herself out of trouble, that is if she was even in trouble.
Filia: Don't worry honey, you'll know trouble soon enough.
There was the sound of people coming into the lab as Hitsu's voice sung, "Mo~~~the~~r~ We're home!"
Filia: Am I psychic or what.
"Welcome back!" Watari called over her shoulder.
The younger shinigami looked at the once male figure in front of her. Watari had a son? But wait didn't the child say 'Mother'? Her head started to hurt, she had no idea what was going on.
Filia: Neither do we.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Neither does the author.
Did she want to know what's going on?
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: No you don't! Run away! Run away!
The sounds of some one pulling someone else into the kitchen came to her ears.
Filia: It was Hajime who was trying to make sweet love to Tsuzuki and wanted to borrow the table.
Looking over her shoulder she saw a strange boy that looked like Watari pull Tsuzuki in.
"Mom! Mom! We got you a dress!" the boy chimed holding up a bag. "Actually a lot of stuff, but a dress is one of them.... Mom you're a girl again!!"
Filia: What tipped you off, the boobs?
Tsuzuki looked at Watari and turned red, he. she was very beautiful. Hitsu hugged his mother lovingly and dashed out when asked to set the table. Soon as he was out of the kitchen he shouted, "Yes, Mom's Mom again!!"
"Tsuzuki is there something wrong?" Watari asked.
Filia: <Tsuzuki> Watari! Err....This is...a new look for you....uhm..nice boobs.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: <Tsuzuki> I'm sprouting wood over here...I mean...nothing...
"Ah. no, no nothing. I just wanted to. umm. I. uh."
Filia: <Tsuzuki> Screw you? Please? Be a pal!
"Don't strain yourself thinking."
"Hey!"
Watari giggled, "Sorry."
Filia: Watari became a stereotypical dumb blonde.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: You're saying he wasn't that before?
Tsuzuki turned even more red and said, "I think you should ware the dress to dinner tonight.
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Ware the dress?
Filia: Watari-ware? ^_^
Tatsumi-san is taking us all to dinner."
"No way!"
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: Tat is willingly spending money! It's the seventh sign of the Apocalypse!
The shinigami nodded, "It's true. He said he wanted to know a little bit more about all this in a more comfortable atmosphere."
Filia: Such as, a hotel room, after slipping some pills in Watari's drink.
"Okay, I hope you got my size though."
Filia: <Tsuzuki> I hope you can FIT in that, else there is no way I'm boffing you.
When the meal was set out everyone gathered around including Wakaba who wanted to know a little bit more about this stranger. Hitsu was singing silently to himself about how much he loved his mother and his two fathers.
Filia: <Hitsu> I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too?
Hisoka sat next to Tsuzuki and cracked a smile. Even if the boy was just a nut job he made the young shinigami feel good.
So for the third time that day the youth explained about why he was there and other stuff. Wakaba found herself only smiling and nodding. She had no idea what was going on, it was all over her head.
Filia: Oh no! the fic killed her brain! Wakaba-chaaaaaaaaan! T_T
Deep_Sea_Dolphin: We're lucky we still have ours.
To be continued...
Filia: *cracks knuckles* Don't you threaten us.
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